I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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