why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
