my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize