There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize