I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do vagina's smell?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
