Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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