She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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