So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
