She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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