Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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