Farmville is her only friend.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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