My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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