Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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