Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
