Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
