im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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