when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
