I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize