mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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