thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
