It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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