they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
