one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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