Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
