the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
