besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Your penis caused this!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
