wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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