We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
