I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
time to smoke my breakfast
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
