apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
