If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
