he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
