I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it's great music for shaving your balls
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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