mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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