we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
