what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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