ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
