Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she woke up with a sticky ear
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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