yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
