Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
FUCK WHALES
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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