she woke up with a sticky ear
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
