It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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