I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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