the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
