I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
