Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
