Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
