There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
