It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
