i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
