So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
