I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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