Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
