there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
