He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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