you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
