I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
