My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
