And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
