ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
