I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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