Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
