I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
