i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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