he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
