i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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