Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
