It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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