he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just pee around me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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