the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Who put my cat in the fridge?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize