I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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