my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
