So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
